Jewish, Jesus and just trying to figure it out ...

Just went to a presentation with David Zadok who works for CWI (Christian Witness to Israel). When my Ema and I met up with him afterwords, I got to practice my incredibly rusty Evret (Hebrew) and as it turns out, he knows some of the same people I do within the Messianic world. Now, to be strait: Messianic Jews (such as myself) will often describe their beliefs as this: We are by heritage and culture Jewish, however, we believe that Jesus is the Messiah and we are no longer tied down to the traditions, or the mitzvot that were previously commanded. There is definitely more that I could add on to this description, but I choose not to at the moment only because I will most likely go into it in the following paragraphs. :)

I got to thinking about the said Messianic tradition. It is ancient (as far back as Yeshua) and it is very American. I say this while my jaw is clenched. American Messianic Judaism is very unique and quite far from Israeli Messianic Judaism. The culture, the traditions, the community, the literature- each one has its own difference, and I would go as far to say, at least in my own experiences, that they have less in common than not.

American Messianic Judaism, from first hand experience, is totally evangelically minded. And quite grounded in tradition. There is a freedom to eat kosher, keep the Sabbath on Saturday, and attend Synagogue during the High Holy Days. While these traditions are not binding to our relationships with G-d, they are a reminder that we are different and have a unique calling to a unique people group. One that is close to G-d's heart.

And then there are the organizations. Oy vey! Jews for Jesus, Chosen People, Hineni Ministries, CWI, UMJC, MJAA, etc...And then there are the pamphlets, the complimentarian (thanks Aaron) Synagogues, forums, seminary, mentors, doctorate manuscripts, and personal opinions, etc...And then there are those people who are not really Jewish, and want to be cool and so they pretend and basically adopt our ethnic traditions. And then there are people like me who grew up in a family that was rich with traditions and Bible stories. Totally in love with Yeshua because our mothers and fathers were involved in the revival movement in the 60s and 70s. Then all of a sudden we realize that our identity has to change because our "religion" is changing. We're no longer under our parents jurisdiction and we have to make our commitment to Yeshua, and to evangelizing and whether or not we attend a Church, or a Synagogue, or want to move to Israel, or go on staff with one of those organizations, or to eat kosher, and how we're going to raise our kids, and all that jazz...

So basically this is going no where. I mean, what is my problem anyway? Do I have a legitimate argument or question? Everything about it, to me at least, is at a dead end. And this might just be because I am not up to date on Messianic literature. I have to decide, at some point though, if I agree with non-Jewish Christians going to Israel to share the good news? Do I think all Jews should go back to Israel? Do I think that I am personally responsible and gifted with evangelism to Jewish people? Would it be not right if I became a Rabbi (questioned because I am a woman)? Am I even spiritually fit to be a Rabbi? Do I think that the evolving Messianic movement should even have Synagogues? Or should we all be integrating into Churches? Or should we all be in Israel? Would it be bad if I went to Africa and missioned to gentiles? My goodness, all these questions for someone who isn't even sure what she believes anymore and isn't quite ready to admit that to her people.

Actually, it is probably the fact that I am not spiritually right with G-d in this particular season of life. And therefore, all the decisions regarding the defense of my faith seem irrational. Like, I am just sitting at a train station, and I have all these possible destinations. There is this one train that I started on, but it is getting kind of boring because I am lonely on it. So I try some others. But none of them have the rewards as the one I am on. So I just have to go back, and sit alone until the train picks up more people. Then I will be content.
It's not perfect. The analogy I mean. But it works, I think.

As for my opinions, deep theological ones and social breaking boundaries ones, I need to be become more learned about those things. I have some pretty intense debates, but ultimately there needs to be more dialogue and honesty in the Messianic community. There needs to be room for the younger generations (most of whom are second generation believers) and there needs to be respect for the wisdom of the older guys...

I think I am safe to say that this is the most random and confusing blog I have ever written. Thank goodness I am done writing it.

The end.