Sentimental Heart

She & Him "Sentimental Heart"

Last night there was a dinner with old family friends. I figured out a lot of things about myself last night. What I do does not define me, and safety isn't always a bad thing. Sometimes it takes older and wiser faith family members who have walked with you for ten years to gain clarity on life.

When you've got a sentimental heart, everything is connected. And everything is an ideal (and an ordeal). And everyone supports you, or by some cosmic mishap, everyone is out to get you.

Expectations are so dangerous.

My friend Charlotte and I were running errands today (of course this ended with us buying unneeded clothes) and we listened to an old CD. On this record I found, titled, Amma- on it is myself and my friend Megan. We were 15 years old when a guy named Mitch thought we had something going for us. There are about ten songs on the CD and some sounded really good. Most of the songs are about love and relationships. We were 15, so you could say the depth was missing.

Charlotte reminded me that right after we recorded this "album" we were listening to it on headphones and Megan stated that the song, Beautiful Girl, which I wrote and sang was and I quote, "better than an orgasm."

Again, we were 15. As Charlotte recalls, I told Megan that she shouldn't say that because none of us new how great an orgasm is.

Today, whether any of us know what an orgasm is, having a connection that goes back to five years, and another five years before that for me and Megan, I am feeling heartbroken to leave.

Having dinner with friends who get me.

Hugging a youth pastor for the last time and choking back tears.

Listening to an old and bad CD of myself with a beautiful woman.

Eating a salad at Souplantation with Lauren, looking up and realizing that she is laughing at me for dragging the cookie on my emptied plate to get the remains of the salad dressing.

Looking around my room without my wall decorations and without my books.

I guess I am just sentimental.