the future

^Jimmy's shirt. It used to say SFSU AGENT FALL

homework sucks.

last week I had midterms, which went okay. Let's face it, I am not an intellectual. All my life, I have pushed myself to be one. I think that certain people will respect me more if I have Dr. before my name. So far, I have romanticized the idea of getting my Masters degree. I have so many research ideas; I get excited about these questions.

What was the level of Jewish women's activism during the suffrage movement? What place do second generation Messianic Jews have in the modern Jewish-American context? What was the Jewish community's role in the Civil Rights Movement? What organizations have Deaf people participated in, outside of the Deaf community? How have white women reconciled their push for equal rights in the midst of white supremacy around the world?

All of those questions are fascinating and have agency. I can do the research well, I just can't write about it well. I wonder what life has in store for me? All I know is being a student and life looking like a silver platter. All I know is simplicity and wealth. In all honesty, I find scholarship appealing because it puts off the real world. Getting higher education, for me, means that I will be encased in the past. Studying history is what I love and I would be doing it full time. I could put off social justice for a little longer. That responsibility scares me.

I wonder if I am going to get married? I wonder when I am going to die? I wonder how I am going to pay for all the weddings this summer? I wonder what will be said when Kim and I finally get to talk? I wonder how my training will go on Monday for the testing center's front desk? I wonder if anyone will go to my program about Passover? I wonder when Jesus will come? I wonder if I am wasting my life in school? I wonder if I truly grasp how lucky I am and how easy I have it.

But for now, Malka, you need to work on the three research papers.
-Jewish women in the Suffrage movement
-The Danse Macabre, 14th century Europe
-Jewish Divorce in the Middle ages*
*note: I want to change the last one to the nineteenth century

Wish me luck!


^ Chris and Christine Kernaghan...I took some baby-bump photos for them. They are the leaders of my city-cru Bible study on campus- they are radical!