rain playlist

Sara...Fleetwood Mac
These Days...Nico
Fire and Rain...James Taylor
So Far Away...Carol King
Goodmorning...William Fitzsimmons
The Wind...Cat Stevens
Buy the Mark...Gillian Welch
Carolina in My Mind...James Taylor
Jesus, etc...Wilco
Come on in my Kitchen...Crooked Still
Songbird...Fleetwood Mac
Stephanie Says...Velvet Underground
Yer So Bad...Tom Petty
Sundress...Ben Kweller
Blue Ridge Mts...Fleet Foxes
Solitaire...Wilco

the kingdom

Leaving Church this morning, it was pouring rain. I had fifteen minutes to make it to the muni station before my pass timed out. I was about to open my umbrella when I ran into a girl and her mother who I have seen for the last few months in the Church. They asked where I was going and then offered to give me a ride. When I interjected, they all insisted. I met the dad and as it turns out their son was at the youth group I went to Friday night. They were so generous and invited me for dinner this week. I am so blessed by their kindness. I love when the body works, like actually works. Amen.

beautiful child

^song by Fleetwood Mac. This song means so much.

Dude- Songbird by them is really good too. Sometimes there is an artist that you resonate with. I feel like Stevie Nicks and I would not get along. But I know that I would seek her approval and our lives would have too much in common.

I saw Avatar today. Really wonderful.

Tonight was my first night with HS youth group at my Church. I loved it. There was a q and a with the kids: everything from favorite color to siblings, to books and finally is your family Messianic...

I've spent too much time at Craig's Place. It's my favorite new deli. And not because of the name, though it makes me smile quite wide actually.

Sometimes I read too much into things.

Spent time with two girls from my Bible study in the city today. They are my friends. Funny how friends fade in and out of importance and relevance. I see so many potentials and yet, it was these two random girls that I have spent the most time with in the last 6 months. They are kind and funny. Beautiful and generous. We talk about Yeshua, movies, boys, food, etc...


Good night San Francisco.

quote of the day

Sitting at Cafe Trieste on Market, downtown San Francisco. A little overcast, with a slight breeze. Elyse looks lovely in a muted, but expensive looking scarf and Remy is sitting comfortably in an orange shirt and a boys beige cardigan. We're sitting outside- I have a coffee and they are sipping san pelligrino. We each buy a homeless poetry newspaper from a woman named Regina. Our conversation takes us from movies to tattoos; we also discussed Messianic Jewish identities. When Rem shared some very insightful ideas about what it means to have a Jewish identity within the context of Yeshua, all that came to me was this:

"Those are really...deep thoughts."

...

oh life to be short lived

oh death, what can I give?

...

I am sitting in my living room with two friends from SD. They have stayed over the last couple of days to finish their road trip from Oregon. Kate just shared that she thinks I am "worldly". I know she means well. From the "Christian" perspective, that is a negative thing. Be in the world, not of it. But from Kate's eyes, I know she is giving me the biggest compliment she can give. I accept it.

My Aunt called me a couple days ago, crying. I love her. She is in need of tea and hugs. I shared with her a poem by T S Eliot

We must be still and still moving
Into another intensity
For a further union, a deeper communion
Through the dark cold and the empty desolation,
The wave cry, the wind cry, the vast waters
Of the petrel and the porpoise.
In my end is my beginning

It's interesting looking at the span of one's life and seeing the learning moments. Whats more than just looking at your own timeline is actually loving it too. I think it's important to be present to your life. Seeing a therapist when you need an emotional boost. sharing coffee with a friend who needs to communicate with their eyes. looking at a mistake and sighing with little hint of remorse. Telling a friend that they have a problem. Telling a friend that you reject their insecurities. Having magnificent conversations with your parents after years of turmoil. Sitting across the couch from a trusted individual and engaging in a life-giving dialogue.

Dancing with the Savior you've known since you were a child.

It's a beautiful life.

I get so sentimental and emotional past 12pm. It's a problem :)


^friend Jared...the bird whisperer :)

one year ago

One year ago I wrote this poem on a napkin while I waited for my friend, H.




I wonder about the inspired flaws
I grapple with defeat,
and "I'm dissapointed with the King",
caught up in her own inspiration,
she claws at beauty's neck,
love sits idly by her,
and she knows him not yet

January 6, 2009

first love

My favorite song by Bob Dylan is:

Girl From the North Country

It's on the "Freewheelin" album. I'll never forget the first time I heard this tune. I might have cried a little. I felt honey in my tears. "in the darkness of my night, in the brightness of my day." It haunted me. The sound is raw and honest and fragrant and lovely and real and soft. When it ends, I wish that it hadn't, so I keep it on repeat. That song is number 4 on my CD and number 4 skips. My dream is to hear it on vinyl. I am having a love affair with this song. "for that's the way I remember her best."

The first time I fell in love was when I was 12 years old.

We were standing in the Synagogue courtyard. It was springtime.

That first love brings butterflies to my heart. Waiting, thereafter, to see when he would show up. The eagerness to help clean and participate because that was when he would notice me. One mention that my hair smelled (and I quote) "really pretty" still has me hooked on Herbal Essence shampoo. As we grew older, our interactions were less often, but nonetheless meaningful to me. He understood me. We would (and still do sometimes) finish each others sentences. People used to tease me about it, because unbeknown to me, everyone knew I loved him.

Bob Dylan may have written better music, and there might be someone better for me yet- but my first loves will always have a special place in my heart.

kimmy

Every time I sit down with Kim the hard questions, the kind eyes, and the coffee smell makes me think of home. Kim and I spent five whole hours together. In one spot. This is such a huge deal...We laughed, I cried, we talked about boys and Gd. Five hours and six years. I'd say she is one of my best friends. Been through it with me and ever the lovely...

2010 is even.

it's late and am tired and a little sickie:

amazing Christmas with beautiful people.

feel distanced and destroyed by someone i thought was a real friend.

drove 5 1/2 hours of road trip to SD in the middle of the night.

applied to Forest Home.

radical conference, filled with worship and renewal.

someone said that I need to find my own dance before Gd.

I danced the last night of worship (someone told me it was a piece of heaven)

amazing talks with my parents.

brother is cool.

need to see Lauren.

date with Kim.

multiple friends are engaged. one in particular i am sad about. others i rejoice.

feeling really settled about future.

i've decided i don't hate san diego as much I said I would.

I've also decided that I am going to go the academic route.

it's what I fear, and it's what i need to do.

I spent time with the remigios and remy and it was wonderful.

i am at peace.