old things

at this very moment I am procrastinating from two papers and studying for a test that will be held tomorrow 8am. i am also reading old posts, posts that I wrote before I moved to san francisco. it's been four months since i have spent any decent time in san diego. i wonder what will happen on wednesday.

lauren is picking me up from the airport. i want to cry when i see her.

wednesday is the day of rory's death. it's been a year.

i am not sure if i will cry that day.

i KNOW that i will feel overwhelmed.

this semester has been the hardest of my life, i think. i don't know. i just know that i feel very distanced from myself. like i am on autopilot.

i had so many expectations for san francisco. a lot of them came true. which is a good thing, i think. but most of them i would say turned out very different. some are very lachrymose. others are friendships. some are stressful. others are peace.

i am scared that i will go to san diego and either feel no emotion, or all of my homesickness will encapsulate everything and i won't want to leave it again.

no expectations malka.
no expectations malka.
no expectations malka.