the annex. again.

I am here. Surrounded by two hundred young people who are studying hard. Some take smoke breaks. Others take facebook breaks. Still others sleep with their heads nestled against their laptop.

My break consists of this blog.

For some strange reason, it is this space that I have created as a safe place. No one leaves comments anymore- but that is a very good thing. It's for me. Not for you (sorry Natalie and mom). It's a place that I can check and recheck and write and rewrite and there is no grade. No determination of worth here.

Recently, someone said to me that no matter what grades I get this semester, my worth to them will not change. Their love for me will not diminish. Even if I lose the honor-status that I carry. I bought my gold chain today. The tassel that adorns the robe one wears when they graduate. They call me a distinguished student. I think it's full of shit. But I am doing it. I already did it. I already spent countless nights procrastinating and freaking out about papers and assignments, etc. I am almost finished doing that.

Tonight is the exception. I am sitting here, in my beloved annex-fake-library writing the first draft of a 15 page paper which is due tomorrow at 8:45 am. I am sitting here, with six pages down, not freaking out. A MIRACLE, I know. I am enjoying every second of it actually. I enjoy birthing sentences and listening to the rustling of keyboards type, type, type away.

I can't go home tonight. So, I might as well be settled. The last bus left five minutes ago. I am stuck. I suppose I could call someone on campus, but why not spend the night on a dirty two seater couch in a hot, bug infested room? I won't have to do this for a very long time, why not relish in it.

So that is my resolution- the last week of classes; the week before finals, exactly ten days until I turn in my last paper of the semester; I will not stress out. I will not yell at anyone (an embarrassing history), nor will I pity myself. Instead, here now, I pledge to myself that I, Malka which means queen, will enjoy her last moments of an undergraduate.

Annex as my witness.