good sunday

today has been one...
Reality SF is a new Church plant in my city. This morning was my first encounter with their worship. I have been avoiding it because I don't like doing things that are popular and I have already found a great little Church.

The music, the teaching, the community was fabulous. I felt at home. I felt safe to dance- I think I will next time I go. A decision that was not too difficult to make involves a monthly Church schedule. I will go to Reality SF twice a month and the other two weeks I will go to DPC and at DPC I will teach Sunday school once a month, go to youth group three weeks a month and the Reality prayer-meeting once a month. This and the women's Bible study that I have with JFJ and then another one I have with city cru- I also have an individual jb meeting with Rachelle once a week; therapy; d-lab every Monday night. 15 hours a week between my two jobs and 12 upper-division unit classes.

Can anyone say burned out?

I felt refreshed this morning. I went to the SFpubliclibrary after Church and I got my hands on a very special book that is rare (published in 1912) and significant to my research. i felt like a real, big-girl historian. I liked that feeling.

passing

I realized that I have never gone in detail about my friend who died in Dec of '08.
The year of his death's anniversary I was going to write about him and post a picture. But I forgot to do that.

"Bend your knees and follow through"
^this is something that he had written on his facebook...he died from hanging.

I miss him a lot. Less so than the immediate days following, less than the 6 months, less than my missing him even the day before the year anniversary. I still shake when I think about that moment. But I will never forget him. I will never forget the things I loved about him. The things that bugged me about him. How it felt to hug him. I will never forget the phone call, where I was, who I was with. What I did. Who I called in panic. How i was angry that I wasn't crying and how I was embarrassed that I was shaking so much. How I comforted so many people around me and how little I was comforted. I am still sensitive about it. In my Holocaust and film class I still close my eyes at those scenes. I guess there is not much more to say. I feel like I keep belaboring the significance of his death in my life. It was huge. I feel that it still is. Anyway, this is us when we were working together at the Golden Spoon.

~RA~

Yesterday morning I had a meeting with Sh. I thought it was going to be an interview for next year for a job in housing. She offered me a job as a Resident Assistant starting this weekend. She asked if I needed time to think before accepting it. In the four seconds I had to wonder if I needed time to decide- in those four seconds, I could see Gd working.

Today I have moved almost everything in to my new apartment. I share with one other girl whom I have yet to meet. I have my own room. My old roommates took it well. They were quite happy, actually. But it doesn't really matter, cause I am happy too. I think that Gd knows my patience. He knows my limit.

So now I have dprc, as well as this RA job. Free housing. Free food. Hard work. Responsible for over two dozen residents. I am stoked. I am shocked. I am honored. I am nervous. I am really, really happy.

tattoo

I think this is going to be my birthday tattoo:

catchy title

^My hand and Charlotte, taken in 2006
I found something I had written in that same year:

My plans for the future.
College: Westmont, Cal State Northridge, SDSU, Palomar???
Major: Deaf studies, Hospitality, Art, Communications???
Jobs: ASL Interpreter, Pastor, social worker???

Funny how life works out in the end...

My schedule this semester:
Voices of European Women, The Renaissance, Holocaust and Film, History 300...
9 hours a week at the DPRC...
Friday night High School Youth group, personal development with Chelle, Therapy, a women's Bible study, woman's small group, City Cru Bible study, Sunday School, Prayer meeting, Church (x2)...
Another job lined up (interview is tomorrow!).
Sleep (40 hours a week).
Friends: all day, every day.

I am just tired.

I love being a historian. But I love listening and interacting with people much more than quote, unquote researching. I am at peace I think. Listening to good music and drinking a good cup of coffee.

So I am quitting smoking for reals. Not just because of the comments my mom gives every time I see her, and not just because lent starts tomorrow, and not just because I am volunteering with HSers. Not because I am going to die fifteen years earlier than everyone else. And not because I have no money; not because most of my friends don't smoke, or when I walk past someone, they can smell it.

But it's actually all of those reasons.

wish me luck!

It's going to be very, very difficult. No person is an island. I've been telling almost everyone, so that I can be kept accountable. I think some friends are gonna go out for dinner with me to Puerto Alegre (the best Mexican food in the whole City)...that will be good, relaxing. I am excited (Erin, Ariel and possibly Casey) they are all such good people. Hmmm...My friend's in San Francisco. I am majoring in U.S. History at SFSU. I am going out to buy an ink cartridge for my printer tomorrow. I have a job proctoring tests. I volunteer my time. I am conquering an addiction.

Funny how life works out in the end.


^ my friend Jovi painted this...

Dear Blog...

Dear Blog,
It has been so long! How have you been holding up? I hear that Google is coming out with some new software or something- should be interesting!

I have been well. I have been making some great musical playlists as of recent. Music has been tangible to me lately. Especially Bob Dylan, Eddie Vedder, Damien Rice and James Taylor. I spent early last week with a dear family friend named Josh. He is in a band called Boomsnake and they toured the west coast. He is such a great man. I felt very special hanging out with him and his fellow band-mates.

School has begun and what a fabulous schedule I have this year! All history classes. I love it. Something about history makes me smile. It is life-giving to me. My history-mentor, Devin and I have been emailing back and forth about history and life. It excites me to think about grad school and the future. It also excites me to be studying what I love now.

This weekend, I got to see three of my besties. Sarah was in town from Washington D.C. She is such an exquisite vision of the Lrd's goodness. She listens well. Then I got to spend a day and half with Natalie and Topher. They are gems. We had a very good and intense time together. It was really beautiful to experience community with them. Our conversations were about scrabble, food, boundaries, sincerity, psychology, communication and love. I love them deeply. And I feel loved by them deeply.

Today I had therapy and two Bible studies. The first Bible study just started tonight and is being lead by Rachelle. It is a girls study over the book Captivating. I think it will be a good one. It dawned on me that Rachelle lead a girls group when I was in HS...She has a real gift of leading women closer to Gd's heart.

I have been spending my time with really good people. Thanks for listening. Sorry again for being so lame about updating you on life.

Shalom Shalom...