lame=some people--good=music

I work at the Disabled Student Services at my college. My description is kind of complicated, but in a gist, I am a receptionist. I sit at the front desk, give the cart drivers their lunch breaks, answer the phone, make appointments, organize shelves, and take notes in classes. I interact with counselors, office managers, other student workers, the Dean of Student Affairs, and of course the body of students who are physically or mentally disabled.

I love it. I am scared of it. I feel totally legitimate when I have a Deaf student who can't remember her password, have two students filing out paperwork in the waiting room, talking with an out of state mother whose daughter has a learning disability, confirming appointments with counselors, shredding files with SSN and the whole while communicating with my bosses of what I'm doing. Sometimes I feel totally inadequate. I have been there for a over a year now and have my bearings down pretty well

Tuesday was one of those days when everything was going on at once. People running in and out of the office, I had my hands full. I was sitting at my spot when a student came to my desk and asked for a ride to his car. I am not allowed, nor do I want to go into great detail, but this particular student has made my job more difficult in the past and I was acting very patient with him, maybe a bit short. He kept giving me a different name than his own, and I had to double check my computer for his accommodation status: blah blah blah...

This student eventually got what he wanted, and yeah, it did take a few minutes longer than it should have, and was incredibly rude to me. Before he left, he said something along the lines of, "Everyone who works in this office has a disability, so I feel at home."

That night I stayed up late into the night thinking about this and how upset it made me. How upset it makes me. I bet he had practiced that line. I mean, he wasn't personally attacking me per say. It just annoys me when I am doing my job and other people can't get out of their own life to be kind, or to be considerate of others. I found out later that someone else in the office had been rude to him and he had complained about it and his interaction with me was a test. Great. I was being tested!

Wednesday: I am exhausted mid-day (I spend about 12 hours on campus every MW) and I get a text from Lauren. She says, "when do you get out of school tonight?" I told her.

"leave a little early"
"can't...have test next week, must review"
"ummm. you have to. Sean got us tickets to see Death Cab"
"omg omg omg omg!!!! :):):):) omg omg omg!!!"

Lauren and I went off and watched a spiritual performance by Death Cab for Cutie (opened by Coldwar Kids) at UCSD. It was long and wonderful. Live music does something for your soul. It connects you to everyone else in the room, on the stage, in your head; your body feels it and your spirit just moves. It was perfect! (and Lauren is the perfect person to go with- she sings and she gets killer seats...)

Tonight I heard/watched/got my book signed by Jimmy Santiago Baca. His work is powerful. He liked my poem that I wrote inspired when I was reading his memoir A Place to Stand.I am so moved by the poet, by the music. Maybe I should drop everything and just be a beatnik married to a musician. Nah, I want that PhD...I want that knowledge. It's going to be fucking hard. But it will be so worth it!

Bye, the by--
I have a horrible weekend ahead of me with four tests, museum, speech and four papers due this next week. Good night and good luck sweet society...

memior

In my creative non-fiction class tonight we took some time to write sentences of memoir.
Our example was Ernest Hemingway's "For Sale: baby shoes, never worn."
We had one rule- only six words allowed.
Here it goes:

What if I was a worm?
See the smile on her face?
I get tattoos on a whim.
What if I'd never used drugs?
What if I jumped off the bridge?
Adulthood is harder than I imagined.
PhD bound to please my father.
I like tall AND short boys.
Was I supposed to be white?
For Rent: the Queen's blue diary.
ie: woman in corner needs help.
Extra Extra: Jewish woman inks body!
Slow to heal; quick to want.
Too scared to finish what's started.
When I die, I want company.
Ready to give what's not mine.
Tasted the apple- not going back.
I'm defined by my freckle count.
I am not who he says.
I shared my secret to everyone.
She said I am an oxymoron.
Where have all the men gone?
No more men; I'll find woman.
I eat tuna, smiling all day.
I eat curry, then I weep.
OCD is Overrated; Bipolar is Badass.
mother is shrink, she is shorter.
Honesty is easy in six words.

Try it, really! There is freedom to discover your meaningful life can be defined so simply.

lazy is as lazy does...

What a day! The sun is out, the wind is singing and I have just discovered what a lazy person I am.
I went to Torah study with Abba this morning. Almost side swiped a monster truck in my hybrid. Found a dress at a thrift store and celebrated as I pumped $2.19 per gallon gas into my car. I am currently listening to a sweet playlist I created a few days ago.
[WILCO: What Light]
I am thinking about which page I left off in a Chuck Klosterman book. I am thinking about how tonight I am going to hang out with Lauren and maybe share a bottle of wine. I am thinking about how I do not want to go to Church tomorrow, but I have a commitment to operate the PowerPoint.
[Cat Stevens: The Wind]
And while I am considering the sun outside, feeling the warm coat of my dog, Aristotle, at my feet, I am struck with the fact that I am trying hard to avert my eyes from the to-do list for the weekend that I made. It is so unsuspecting.
Thin, white paper with black ink taking up less than half the page of residence. The thing is, everything listed has to do with school. And this semester of school , I have the privilege of taking one creative writing, two history and two science classes. My forte is NOT math/science. And I happen to have two quizzes this next week that I must prepare for if I hope to get a C in either class. Damn-it, I don't want to get a C, but right now it looks like that is the goal. I can absolutely not fail this class. But I don't care.
[Conor Oberst: Cape Canaveral]
You would think that since there was so much pressure to pass this class, I would put a little effort. But I really don't care. This is a horrible attribute to acquire. I wonder how much of my life has degraded because of my recent laziness. I don't think I was always like this. I am doing everything I can to not start my geography study guide. I wonder what decisions I will screw up in the future if I continue giving in to laziness. I wonder what year Allen Ginsberg died? I wonder if Chuck Klosterman has ever had a homosexual relationship? I wonder if my geography teacher, Scott, smokes pot on the weekends. I wonder what my friends in Israel are doing? I wonder if I will ever live there? I wonder if I'll ever have children? I wonder if I'll ever get married!?
I wonder.
I wonder.
Devils Advocate: I wonder what would happen if you at least tried. You would do better on this test, then you would have less stress of passing the class. And that will make you happier.

Okay, okay Devil. I give in!
Let's see how this goes.
Hello climate and biospheres!
[Bob Dylan: A Hard Rain's Gonna Fall]

A poem and a picture to make the day right

why gloom for so long?
haven't the flowers bloomed?
children laugh, mothers woo,
the joy of two in their darkness,
create a light as we know,
have a smile, you sweet child,
we're going in circles
and his eyes misted over
but I've heard that its worth it
she said with a cigarette in her mouth
the second greatest cause of death
but you're alive among the graves
live in it, weeping girl
stay on the road and smile child
why down for a year long?
don't the newspapers drag us down?
newborns nurse, fathers kiss,
the joy of taste in a chocolate chip,
create sticky fingers to lick from,
take the picture and smile child,
hold on for love will come,
his hands fold over his cup of steaming milk,
groan for I've lost faith in love
she said as the table turned to her sex,
get back on the horse and smile child,
cause we know forever more
to see lovers make hope for the rest of us
might just be weird but good...