iSF

Today is beautiful.

I got to brunch with S & D. The sun is out. A light breeze through my window. The house is clean. My room is cleaned. I am clean. My love is coming over soon. Shabbat is tonight. I made a sweet dance-party mix. My feet are killing me from dancing at an 80s club last night. Worth it.

SF, you've won me over once again.

6 weeks

Six weeks of my UnderGraduate life is left.
Six years working toward this degree.

I am pooped. The weather is incredible this week in SF. I don't want to work. I don't want to study. I don't want to think. I just want to lay on the grass, in the sun. I just want to sleep.

This Senioritis is killing me slowly. It's a wonder that anyone finishes. I hope I finish well. I hope my Professor's acknowledge that this is the end. And that I am tired. I hope I want to finish, as much as I think I do.

I am so happy. The happiest I have been in a long time. I have a best friend who I get to lounge with, talk with, walk with, eat with, dream with.

Funny... how life just gets around. And how we get around with it. What does that even mean? Who knows.

it's an odd number, but a great day.

It's raining like crazy.

I am so in love.

It worked out that I am doing an independent study with one of my favorite professors.

I have absolutely no money.

I am listening to sad music, but I am not sad. It's appropriate.

I have a heating pad on my lap.

the girls are sleeping.

my tea is cold.

Shabbat was beautiful last night.

funny how moods work.

Gd is so good.

I woke up this morning, literally speaking a verse I haven't thought about in a long time:

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate...Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly.
1 Corinthians.

Now, to be honest. I haven't read the Bible to read the Bible in a really long time. Especially not Paul's epistles. BUT, I think these words are true. In spite of my apostate spiritual season. In leiu of my nature, ever giving, ever changing, ever taking.

remember.

adventures

Since the new year, I have experienced quite a few adventures with some new and very good friends.

Here is the proof:


^a feast with David and Sam


^my Nephew! (5 months old)


^Scrabble with Natalie and Christopher


^Salvation Mountain


^Leonard built Salvation Mountain to share Universal LOVE. He is 76 years old this year.


^Friends from City Cru and Leonard on January 2, 2011


^me and Amy near the Bixby Canyon Bridge.


^Kyle and Robert (okay, it was a photo-op)


^Ben, Amy, Kyle and Rob and I went on hikes in Big Sur a few days before school began.

walking

a hollow structure: a graduation.

you walk. there is applause. you walk.

but the walking does not stop there. you walk to job interviews in the months following. you walk back to the admissions office to get your transcripts sent to the 6 graduate schools you are applying for. you walk through new neighborhoods and old neighborhoods. you walk to the dentist appointment that is one year too late. you walk to the cheese boutique that you cannot help but wonder how it stays in business. you walk to your first, adult relationship. and you probably walk away from two or three more after that.

i don't have my diploma yet. yet, i am tired.

i don't want applause, or a hollow structure defining my way.

the lens, my walk, my dear, be clearer than the last.

i just want back in your head

I am back at my home in SF.

my roommates and I changed the living room. it looks rad.

the flight was lame.

my head hurts from thinking so much.

I spoke with my beautiful sister tonight. and we talked about so many good things.

I have not been able to stop thinking.

it's weird.

I am excited and terrified for my last semester to begin.

...

these days.

"For a moment, she re-discovered the purpose of her life. She was here in earth to grasp the meaning of its wild enchantment and call each thing by its right name.”

-Boris Pasternak

I've been listening to Joni Mitchell a lot.

A few days ago was the birth date of a friend who is no longer flesh or breathe. It saddens me to think of the years he could have had. It angers me to think of the situation and the hurt. It confuses me that the process is so long. so long. so long, again, dear friend.

I am graduating in May. Let's not talk about it.

I am learning so much. I am learning things about food, history, art, relationships, communication, macbooks, myself. others. It is good.

breathe.

PS: next year I want to take dance classes, volunteer anywhere and everywhere, eat more fruits, veggies and nuts and attend the symphony and ballets, etc... Also libraries. I would like to try and get a job t a library.